How Things Have Changed Since 1974...

I was talking to mom last night. Commented that it didn't seem possible that I am turning 35 this year. Mom said things have really changed since I was born. While she was still in the hospital after I was born, only she and my dad could hold me. However, my dad had to put on a hospital gown first. My grandparents came all the way from Ohio to see their first grandchild and were not allowed to hold me. My mom's parents came and stayed longer. I recall seeing a picture of Mimi holding me when I was an infant.
I don't think much changed in four years...fast forward to 1978. I saw a picture of dad holding my newborn brother while he was donned in full hospital gear...gown, cap, and mask. I doubt I got any closer to my little brother than peering in the nursery window until he came home with mom.
Fast forward again to 2003 and 2005 when my nieces were born. I got to hold them in the hospital room. All I was required to do was wash my hands before I held them. There were a lot of visitors after each child was born. I think most, if not all, got to hold the girls while in the hospitals.
Sometimes, change is good.

I was not expecting that!

Today I was at the allergist's office, trying to qualify as a participant in a research study. One of the qualifications in my pre-screening appt was getting at least 80% on the Spirometry or lung function test. I just wasn't getting it last week when I tried. Even after all the meds I have been on this week, trying to improve my lung function, it just wasn't working for me. The way they were doing the test was also slightly different than the way I'm used to doing it. I was initially told that I did not qualify, they didn't want to put me through the whole day thing when I came back if I couldn't reach the 80%. I guess I was more disappointed than I thought because next thing I know, I am crying. The nurse asked a couple of times if I was ok. How okay can I be if I'm crying? We went downstairs and tried to use the other machine and did the test the way I'm used to and it worked...I got the score I needed and I can participate in the study. YEA!
WHAT? Where did those tears come from? I am not emotional, especially in public. Needless to say, I was not expecting that reaction. The nurse probably wasn't either but she was very nice. Why is it that I cry when I don't want to but I can't cry when I want or need to release those feelings. I had to really fight to regain my composure. Usually I can "suck up" those tears if I think I'm going to cry and don't want to but today there was no stopping them.
Lately I've been trying to stick with the feeling and let whatever happens, happen. But good grief, I didn't really want the tears today.

Affection and Touch

I do not think I am as affectionate as I once was. Why that has changed, I'm not sure. I don't go around hugging everyone I see. I hug some of my friends and my mom. I love "loving" on my nieces....when they let me. Evidently, they aren't big on affection either, unless it's on their terms. I hug people whom I have not seen in a while like family members in Ohio. I will always hug someone when I want to offer comfort or sympathy. It breaks my heart to see a friend who is sad and perhaps crying.
I can usually tell if someone is a "hugger" by observing them. Do they hug others? Sometimes it's just a perception, they don't strike me as the affectionate type. I was surprised to see one person get hugged when we were "Sharing the peace" at church. She did not strike me as one who liked to be hugged.
Like my nieces, sometime I don't want to be touched. I need my space. I won't refuse a hug but I don't like to have my space invaded. I do not like to have someone hanging on me or leaning into me to whisper something. Some people need to learn about personal boundaries. If someone is in my face and in my space, I start backing away. I'm glad we have chairs in the choir loft now instead of the pews, this gives us our own seat and not as much chance for invasion of space as when we sat hip to hip.
I am very particular about touch. I do not like being patted on the hand/arm/shoulder. I find it very annoying and patronizing! I welcome a single, gentle touch to the hand/arm/shoulder. My mom often pats me on the leg but because it's mom, it's fine. I find it comforting to have my back rubbed(not patted!) when I need comforting.