On Second Thought...

A few months ago, I shared that my joy of singing and listening to beautiful music had returned. Music is a part of my life. I will always love it. However, I do not love sitting through rehearsals every week. I enjoy sitting in the congregation on Sunday morning.
We are quickly approaching a very busy holiday season which means lengthy rehearsals every Wednesday night. Rehearsals are pushed back because of our Advent services. Honestly, I dread the thought of it all. I have not sat in the congregation on Christmas Eve in 15 years. It would be nice to only have to attend one service and not be there all night long. When I took my hiatus from choir during the Lenten season and Easter, I truly enjoyed being able to go home after the Wednesday night services.
I figured I would always be part of a choir. But feelings...and people, change. Maybe God is leading me to a different ministry. I just have to really search my heart and listen to where he may be leading me.

Super Focus Mode: Not always a good thing?

I have been back in choir less than a month and I can tell I am back in super focus mode. Today we sang for a funeral service. I was a little concerned about how I'd do with the service after having a very difficult time with the last funeral I attended. Although I did not sing in the choir for the service back in June.
When I am in super focus mode, I am fully focused on singing the hymns and liturgy. Of course, that is the purpose of the choir singing for funerals in the first place. For the most part, it is a good thing. Whether it's a Sunday worship service or helping lead hymns at a funeral, I am so focused on the music and singing that I often neglect my own personal feelings and needs. It would be nice to have more of a balance, a happy medium.
I don't want to lose my focus as I did in January which led to my very lengthy "time-out" from choir. I would just like to be more cognizant of my needs and feelings and address them as necessary.

The Joy of Singing

I have always loved music and singing. Have sung in choirs for years. I also love listening to choral groups and vocalists. When I came home from college in 1996, I joined the church choir at St. Luke. I was a painfully shy 22 year old who enjoyed singing.
In January, I decided I needed a break from choir. At the time, I just felt burned out. Many people were surprised when I told them I needed time off. I did not feel like sitting through an hour or more of choir practice. When I sing in the choir, I go into super focus mode and do not think about my own feelings or prayer concerns on Sunday during worship. My focus evaporated as did my joy of singing. It was time for me to take care of myself for a while and deal with my grief and doubt.
After many months, I find that I am missing the camaraderie of my wonderful choir family. It is also time for me to get my voice back in shape. This past Wednesday I returned to choir practice. I am feeling the love and joy again.
I am also finding that once again, my heart is able to be stirred by beautiful melodies. I enjoy listening to favorite hymns on my ipod or hearing them sung in church. Some songs do bring tears as they remind me of my beloved grandma, especially "How Great Thou Art" and "In the Garden."
Thank you God for restoring my soul and my love for singing.

A Chapter in My Life is Closing

I have been a volunteer with Palmetto Health Hospice since September 2004. This April, I was recognized for giving 100 hours to this wonderful organization. I have had a wonderful rapport with the staff, especially with Pat who was my first supervisor. They have helped me tremendously in the last year after the death of my grandma.
In addition to visiting patients, I would also attend the health fair in Walterboro every year with Pat. It allowed a lot of time for us to talk. It seemed we would always get stuck on the same hallway as the morgue. This became our joke, how close will they stick us to the morgue this year? I was disappointed we did not make it to the health fair this year because the weekend it was scheduled, we had 4-6 inches of snow and we were unable to make the trip to Walterboro.
Last week I received a call from my supervisor, Amber. She informed me that Palmetto Health Hospice in Summerville is closing in two months. Needless to say, I was shocked. I know everyone is trying to wrap their mind around this. The shock is wearing off. This past week I visited the hospice office to chat with Pat. The office manager asked for my badge since I was there. I retrieved it from my car and turned it in to her. Wow, that made me very sad. I'm not sure the full impact of them closing will hit me until they close their doors for good on August 8th. And thus, a chapter in my life will close.

Grandma's Birthday

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

My beloved grandma would have celebrated her 86th birthday this Saturday. As always, I will be thinking of her.

I have referenced another verse from Proverbs 31. Grandma was such a kind person. She also placed a lot of emphasis on fairness, being fair to all of her grandkids. I also place great value on fairness. Grandma was very loving and caring. She had such a strong faith, even during difficult times.

Happy Birthday Grandma! You are on my mind and in my heart. I love you very much and I miss you.

Grandma and Cookies

Earlier this week I was in the mood to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Whenever I make them, I can't help but think of Grandma Zielke. I was not alone in my baking...or in my reminiscing. My cousins were also baking and sharing them with family this week. Grandma would always pull out cookies when we came to visit. She always seemed to have the magic touch with her cookies. I know I have worked hard to make them as delicious as hers. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them I just follow the recipe on the package of chocolate chips.
Today I had this vision of grandma in her kitchen, putting her tupperware container of chocolate chip cookies on the table. Always warning us to let them sit a minute since they were frozen.
I miss you and love you grandma. I bet you are still making cookies for your family in heaven. Thanks for the memories...and the cookies.