Sometimes change is good!

I'll be the first to admit that I do not like change. Nor do I like stepping out of my comfort zone.
I made a very significant change this year by changing churches, I joined St Paul's Episcopal Church. After finding great comfort and support at the Evening of Healing Prayer for Women in November, I decided to check out their Sunday services. I had only ever attended the weekly healing service held on Thursday mornings. Coming from a traditional Lutheran background, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the 9:00 Contemporary service. Besides, the 8:00 service was a little too early and the 10:45 service was too late. I prefer an earlier service. The Lutheran and Episcopal churches are very similar, even in a contemporary setting. I have learned about things I'd never thought much of or knew anything about in all my years of growing up in the church. I have made some friends who are a wonderful spiritual influence on me. When I attended the monthly Re-Fuel service in January, I got a very strong sense that I could feel very "at home" at St Paul's. However, I did not want to rush into making such a big decision. I continued to listen to my heart...and to God. I did join St Paul's in April and on June 6th, I was officially introduced with other new members in church.
I do feel at home. I attend a bible study on Monday morning with some wonderful ladies. I enjoy the study as well as the fellowship. I want to serve as a lector as I have in the past. At the moment, my heart is in the prayer ministry. I want to learn more and get experience in praying with people. I have received such a blessing from the wonderful prayer team members, I want to pay it forward and be a blessing to someone else.
Sometimes change is good. Thanks be to God.

On Second Thought...

A few months ago, I shared that my joy of singing and listening to beautiful music had returned. Music is a part of my life. I will always love it. However, I do not love sitting through rehearsals every week. I enjoy sitting in the congregation on Sunday morning.
We are quickly approaching a very busy holiday season which means lengthy rehearsals every Wednesday night. Rehearsals are pushed back because of our Advent services. Honestly, I dread the thought of it all. I have not sat in the congregation on Christmas Eve in 15 years. It would be nice to only have to attend one service and not be there all night long. When I took my hiatus from choir during the Lenten season and Easter, I truly enjoyed being able to go home after the Wednesday night services.
I figured I would always be part of a choir. But feelings...and people, change. Maybe God is leading me to a different ministry. I just have to really search my heart and listen to where he may be leading me.

Super Focus Mode: Not always a good thing?

I have been back in choir less than a month and I can tell I am back in super focus mode. Today we sang for a funeral service. I was a little concerned about how I'd do with the service after having a very difficult time with the last funeral I attended. Although I did not sing in the choir for the service back in June.
When I am in super focus mode, I am fully focused on singing the hymns and liturgy. Of course, that is the purpose of the choir singing for funerals in the first place. For the most part, it is a good thing. Whether it's a Sunday worship service or helping lead hymns at a funeral, I am so focused on the music and singing that I often neglect my own personal feelings and needs. It would be nice to have more of a balance, a happy medium.
I don't want to lose my focus as I did in January which led to my very lengthy "time-out" from choir. I would just like to be more cognizant of my needs and feelings and address them as necessary.

The Joy of Singing

I have always loved music and singing. Have sung in choirs for years. I also love listening to choral groups and vocalists. When I came home from college in 1996, I joined the church choir at St. Luke. I was a painfully shy 22 year old who enjoyed singing.
In January, I decided I needed a break from choir. At the time, I just felt burned out. Many people were surprised when I told them I needed time off. I did not feel like sitting through an hour or more of choir practice. When I sing in the choir, I go into super focus mode and do not think about my own feelings or prayer concerns on Sunday during worship. My focus evaporated as did my joy of singing. It was time for me to take care of myself for a while and deal with my grief and doubt.
After many months, I find that I am missing the camaraderie of my wonderful choir family. It is also time for me to get my voice back in shape. This past Wednesday I returned to choir practice. I am feeling the love and joy again.
I am also finding that once again, my heart is able to be stirred by beautiful melodies. I enjoy listening to favorite hymns on my ipod or hearing them sung in church. Some songs do bring tears as they remind me of my beloved grandma, especially "How Great Thou Art" and "In the Garden."
Thank you God for restoring my soul and my love for singing.

A Chapter in My Life is Closing

I have been a volunteer with Palmetto Health Hospice since September 2004. This April, I was recognized for giving 100 hours to this wonderful organization. I have had a wonderful rapport with the staff, especially with Pat who was my first supervisor. They have helped me tremendously in the last year after the death of my grandma.
In addition to visiting patients, I would also attend the health fair in Walterboro every year with Pat. It allowed a lot of time for us to talk. It seemed we would always get stuck on the same hallway as the morgue. This became our joke, how close will they stick us to the morgue this year? I was disappointed we did not make it to the health fair this year because the weekend it was scheduled, we had 4-6 inches of snow and we were unable to make the trip to Walterboro.
Last week I received a call from my supervisor, Amber. She informed me that Palmetto Health Hospice in Summerville is closing in two months. Needless to say, I was shocked. I know everyone is trying to wrap their mind around this. The shock is wearing off. This past week I visited the hospice office to chat with Pat. The office manager asked for my badge since I was there. I retrieved it from my car and turned it in to her. Wow, that made me very sad. I'm not sure the full impact of them closing will hit me until they close their doors for good on August 8th. And thus, a chapter in my life will close.

Grandma's Birthday

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

My beloved grandma would have celebrated her 86th birthday this Saturday. As always, I will be thinking of her.

I have referenced another verse from Proverbs 31. Grandma was such a kind person. She also placed a lot of emphasis on fairness, being fair to all of her grandkids. I also place great value on fairness. Grandma was very loving and caring. She had such a strong faith, even during difficult times.

Happy Birthday Grandma! You are on my mind and in my heart. I love you very much and I miss you.

Grandma and Cookies

Earlier this week I was in the mood to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Whenever I make them, I can't help but think of Grandma Zielke. I was not alone in my baking...or in my reminiscing. My cousins were also baking and sharing them with family this week. Grandma would always pull out cookies when we came to visit. She always seemed to have the magic touch with her cookies. I know I have worked hard to make them as delicious as hers. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them I just follow the recipe on the package of chocolate chips.
Today I had this vision of grandma in her kitchen, putting her tupperware container of chocolate chip cookies on the table. Always warning us to let them sit a minute since they were frozen.
I miss you and love you grandma. I bet you are still making cookies for your family in heaven. Thanks for the memories...and the cookies.

A very special ornament

I didn't put up my tree this year but I am hanging one very special ornament on my mantle. This ornament came from my Grandma Z's Christmas tree. She had an ornament for every person in our family. Her children, the grandchildren and great-granchildren and even some for family pets.

The cold weather we're having brought back memories of visiting our Ohio family after Christmas: grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was often so cold and damp. If we were lucky, we'd see some snow. Grandma worked so hard to make it a nice Christmas dinner. Her house was always immaculate. We'd have a nice family dinner with most of us around the table(once we became adults) and then a separate kids table. Often there was a lot of picture taking before we could open any presents. I will always treasure the memory of those Christmas gatherings with grandma and my family.

Merry Christmas Grandma. I love you and I miss you.

More on Affection...

I have previously addressed how particular I am about touch and affection. However, I have no aversion to giving or receiving hugs. We all need a hug sometimes, right? I confess that I am usually one of those "wimpy" huggers who lets go quickly even when giving a hug. Sometimes I get fidgety and am anxious to be the first to pull away when someone hugs me. It usually depends on my mood or comfort level at the moment. I also recognize some people are not "huggers". Considering my own issues with space and receiving affection, I totally get that!
So what brings this up again? Last night I was talking with a good friend. I was sharing some personal issues with her and she was so sweet and supportive. Before we parted, she hugged me. A REAL hug that lasted more than 10 seconds. While not one to give those type of hugs, I do appreciate getting them. Usually it's when I need it the most. Sometimes you need to let someone hold you tight.

Grandma Z

One week ago, my beloved Grandma Z passed away. As mom said, "she fought the good fight." Grandma celebrated her 85th birthday in April. She lived a long, full life.

Grandma was always such a good spiritual role model for me. She was such a good person, did for others, was non-judgemental. There are seven grandchildren and she made sure she treated each of us the same...it was so important to her to treat us equally. I aspire to be like her...wonderful, loving, kind.

It was difficult living so far away from Grandma and Grandpa for so many years. We would visit them in the summer and usually at Christmas time. My brother and I remember Grandma Z always taking us school shopping when we visited in the summer. Sometimes they would come visit us here in South Carolina. I always waited anxiously for their arrival when I knew they were on the way down to see us. When we would visit her, she would always pull out chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. She'd tell us to wait a few minutes to eat them so we didn't "chip a tooth." I will be thinking of grandma when I bake some cookies later today.

Proverbs 31:28 says "Her children shall rise and call her blessed." And we were all blessed to know her and have her in our lives. I love you so much grandma. I miss you. Thank you for being you.

How Things Have Changed Since 1974...

I was talking to mom last night. Commented that it didn't seem possible that I am turning 35 this year. Mom said things have really changed since I was born. While she was still in the hospital after I was born, only she and my dad could hold me. However, my dad had to put on a hospital gown first. My grandparents came all the way from Ohio to see their first grandchild and were not allowed to hold me. My mom's parents came and stayed longer. I recall seeing a picture of Mimi holding me when I was an infant.
I don't think much changed in four years...fast forward to 1978. I saw a picture of dad holding my newborn brother while he was donned in full hospital gear...gown, cap, and mask. I doubt I got any closer to my little brother than peering in the nursery window until he came home with mom.
Fast forward again to 2003 and 2005 when my nieces were born. I got to hold them in the hospital room. All I was required to do was wash my hands before I held them. There were a lot of visitors after each child was born. I think most, if not all, got to hold the girls while in the hospitals.
Sometimes, change is good.

I was not expecting that!

Today I was at the allergist's office, trying to qualify as a participant in a research study. One of the qualifications in my pre-screening appt was getting at least 80% on the Spirometry or lung function test. I just wasn't getting it last week when I tried. Even after all the meds I have been on this week, trying to improve my lung function, it just wasn't working for me. The way they were doing the test was also slightly different than the way I'm used to doing it. I was initially told that I did not qualify, they didn't want to put me through the whole day thing when I came back if I couldn't reach the 80%. I guess I was more disappointed than I thought because next thing I know, I am crying. The nurse asked a couple of times if I was ok. How okay can I be if I'm crying? We went downstairs and tried to use the other machine and did the test the way I'm used to and it worked...I got the score I needed and I can participate in the study. YEA!
WHAT? Where did those tears come from? I am not emotional, especially in public. Needless to say, I was not expecting that reaction. The nurse probably wasn't either but she was very nice. Why is it that I cry when I don't want to but I can't cry when I want or need to release those feelings. I had to really fight to regain my composure. Usually I can "suck up" those tears if I think I'm going to cry and don't want to but today there was no stopping them.
Lately I've been trying to stick with the feeling and let whatever happens, happen. But good grief, I didn't really want the tears today.

Affection and Touch

I do not think I am as affectionate as I once was. Why that has changed, I'm not sure. I don't go around hugging everyone I see. I hug some of my friends and my mom. I love "loving" on my nieces....when they let me. Evidently, they aren't big on affection either, unless it's on their terms. I hug people whom I have not seen in a while like family members in Ohio. I will always hug someone when I want to offer comfort or sympathy. It breaks my heart to see a friend who is sad and perhaps crying.
I can usually tell if someone is a "hugger" by observing them. Do they hug others? Sometimes it's just a perception, they don't strike me as the affectionate type. I was surprised to see one person get hugged when we were "Sharing the peace" at church. She did not strike me as one who liked to be hugged.
Like my nieces, sometime I don't want to be touched. I need my space. I won't refuse a hug but I don't like to have my space invaded. I do not like to have someone hanging on me or leaning into me to whisper something. Some people need to learn about personal boundaries. If someone is in my face and in my space, I start backing away. I'm glad we have chairs in the choir loft now instead of the pews, this gives us our own seat and not as much chance for invasion of space as when we sat hip to hip.
I am very particular about touch. I do not like being patted on the hand/arm/shoulder. I find it very annoying and patronizing! I welcome a single, gentle touch to the hand/arm/shoulder. My mom often pats me on the leg but because it's mom, it's fine. I find it comforting to have my back rubbed(not patted!) when I need comforting.

Movies

I love "Chick flicks"..I own movies such as "Steel Magnolias," "Beaches," "Stepmom," etc. In addition to the sappy chick flicks, I also love comedies. Who doesn't want to watch a movie that makes you laugh? I recently saw "The Proposal"...it's a chick flick but it will also make you laugh. That will be a movie I will want to own when it comes out on DVD.
For those who know me well, it should come as no surprise that I love musicals. I have "Sound of Music," "Oklahoma," and "Carousel." I love this line from Sound of Music..."And my heart will be blessed with the sound of music...and I'll sing once more."
While I do love comedies there are some kinds of humor that I don't care for...like anything really vulgar or what you might call "guy humor." A friend wanted me to come over and watch a couple of movies with this type of humor. She was sharing some of the jokes and laughing. I was not. I've not seen "Hangover" and from what I've heard about the movie, I don't care to...this same kind of humor.
I appreciate David Spade's kind of humor...that dry, sarcastic, cynical stuff. I also love Robin Williams. He always makes me laugh.
Although some suspense is good, I do not like scary movies or horror films. I do not have much interest in adventure movies like Indiana Jones. Now if there is a comedic element like the Rush Hour movies, then I might be more inclined to watch them.
What kind of movies do you like?

The Many Meows of Allie

My "baby" has the sweetest meow... most of the time. This morning she was meowing at me and pawing at my hand, her bowl was empty and she was hungry. Early this morning, I opened one eye and saw that I was sharing my pillow with her. Occasionally I'll find her on the pillow next to mine or she'll walk across my pillow, stepping on my hair in the process. She meows at me plaintively until I fill her food bowl. If I am fixing cereal or just having a glass of milk, she meows wanting me to share. Sometimes I do. Other times, I can't figure out what she wants. If I think she wants attention, I try to pick her up. Then I get the protest whine "Mooooom, I don't wanna be picked up." She really changes her "tune" when I take her to the vet. When she's not trying to escape from me, she is whining. The fur is flying everywhere. I gave up on trying to get her in the carrier. As long as I can get her outside and shut the door to my house, she can't get back into one of her many hiding places...usually under the bed.
Some of the sounds she makes make me laugh. When she is meowing and running down the stairs at the same time. I can't even explain it, it just sounds funny. Other times, I think I have a ventriloquist cat. I swear she is meowing without even opening her mouth.
No matter what sounds she is making, I do love my sweet girl.

Happy Anniversary!

I want to wish my parents a very Happy 40th Anniversary! On this date, 40 years ago, they were married in Van Wert, OH. My dad had just returned from Vietnam. After the wedding and honeymoon, mom and dad moved to Sumter, SC where dad was to be stationed at Shaw AFB. Mom finished school at USC and began teaching. Actually, mom taught the first year of integration in South Carolina. She said it was quite an experience. Dad got out of the Air Force and they moved to Easley. My dad went back to school at Clemson. Both parents started at Ohio State before moving south. At the time, neither of my parents thought much of graduating from those two particular schools, coming from Ohio they did not know about the big rivalry between Clemson and USC. After graduating from Clemson, dad got a job with Duke Power in Spartanburg so they moved again.

Fast forward to 2009, many years after a couple more moves and a couple of kids. Mom and Dad celebrated their anniversary with an Alaskan cruise. Here is a picture of mom and dad last year at Clemson's Homecoming.

The Comforts of Home

I am back home after ten days of house/pet/plant sitting for my parents. It was so nice to be back on my own comfy sofa watching movies. And it was comforting to be back in my own bed. I woke up to Allie laying on the pillow next to me. She missed her mama!
After being away from home, my cupboards and refrigerator were looking mighty empty. I made a trip to Publix this morning so I will have stuff to make here at home. On the weekends, I do often eat with my parents.
And most importantly, my house is QUIET. I was happy to be the only one at the pool when I arrived this afternoon. Shortly before I left, three people came in but they are young adults and I was not concerned with them making a lot of noise. You never know when it's a community pool. I've been at the pool when it's been "Kid-ified" and I desperately wish I had an ipod so I could pop in the ear buds and drown out the noise.

I Am Ready!

My parents return from their cruise in two days and I am so ready for them to be home. I have missed them but I also miss being in my own house. It's gets tiring running back and forth between my parents house and mine. Luckily I live pretty close but it gets to be a bit much. Allie is much quieter than Maddy. She doesn't jump up and down begging for food when I'm eating, she doesn't need to go out constantly. And cats don't BARK! And yelling at the dog does no good because she can not hear me anyway! Lucy is not much of a problem, cats are so easy. I feed her and close her in the garage at night. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my house.

Another Busy Sunday

Today was another busy and somewhat unusual Sunday. In all the time I've been at St. Luke's, I don't think we've ever just had one Sunday service. But today there was only one service at 10:15. They had sunday school from 9-10. Pastor Steve Troisi was installed, he is our new associate pastor. In true Tom fashion, he pulled out the big guns for a big service. In addition to the choir, he had a trumpet player and percussionist. I'm not real big on contemporary stuff when it comes to worship but I have to admit I loved the percussion on the Kyrie this morning. There are some contemporary songs in our hymnal and I really like those. Not because they are contemporary but just because they are pretty songs. One of our church members who also just graduated from seminary, Ryan Lyles, gave the sermon today. Today was the first time we got to see Pastor Steve "in action" during the service. He was the Presiding Minister after being installed. He has a nice voice.
There was a reception after the service but when I saw how crowded and noisy it was, I made a quick exit. I was ready for some peace and quiet. It looked very nice though. I don't like being crowded...space issues!
Church should be "back to normal" during the summer. I wish we didn't have to wear our robes. It's so hot here in South Carolina and our "friar tuck garb" is none too cool! We will be singing through June and then will have off during July. It will be nice to sit in the congregation again.

It's Friday?

I don't know why but it does not feel like a Friday to me. Maybe because this week has flown by pretty quickly. At any rate, here it is. I have errands to run as usual. My cousin Katie and her husband and boys are coming into town today. They live in Cleveland. I am looking forward to their visit. I have not seen Katie in two or three years. We are only six months apart. Even though we live many miles apart, we stay in touch via email.
I don't know what their plans are for tomorrow but if they go off to Charleston, I hope to get to the pool, weather permitting, of course. Will be running to my house to check on my cat and get clothes for church on Sunday.
Sunday is another big day at church. I am so thankful they decided to do just ONE service this week. They will do the gospel processional, etc. Our choir director has a couple of instrumentalists again, at least a trumpet and timpani player. Our new associate pastor is being installed. Our service is at 10:15. Although I really prefer early service, it's hard to get up early so it will be nice to sleep in a little longer this week.
Have a good weekend everyone!