Grandma's Birthday

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

My beloved grandma would have celebrated her 86th birthday this Saturday. As always, I will be thinking of her.

I have referenced another verse from Proverbs 31. Grandma was such a kind person. She also placed a lot of emphasis on fairness, being fair to all of her grandkids. I also place great value on fairness. Grandma was very loving and caring. She had such a strong faith, even during difficult times.

Happy Birthday Grandma! You are on my mind and in my heart. I love you very much and I miss you.

Grandma and Cookies

Earlier this week I was in the mood to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Whenever I make them, I can't help but think of Grandma Zielke. I was not alone in my baking...or in my reminiscing. My cousins were also baking and sharing them with family this week. Grandma would always pull out cookies when we came to visit. She always seemed to have the magic touch with her cookies. I know I have worked hard to make them as delicious as hers. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them I just follow the recipe on the package of chocolate chips.
Today I had this vision of grandma in her kitchen, putting her tupperware container of chocolate chip cookies on the table. Always warning us to let them sit a minute since they were frozen.
I miss you and love you grandma. I bet you are still making cookies for your family in heaven. Thanks for the memories...and the cookies.

A very special ornament

I didn't put up my tree this year but I am hanging one very special ornament on my mantle. This ornament came from my Grandma Z's Christmas tree. She had an ornament for every person in our family. Her children, the grandchildren and great-granchildren and even some for family pets.

The cold weather we're having brought back memories of visiting our Ohio family after Christmas: grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was often so cold and damp. If we were lucky, we'd see some snow. Grandma worked so hard to make it a nice Christmas dinner. Her house was always immaculate. We'd have a nice family dinner with most of us around the table(once we became adults) and then a separate kids table. Often there was a lot of picture taking before we could open any presents. I will always treasure the memory of those Christmas gatherings with grandma and my family.

Merry Christmas Grandma. I love you and I miss you.

More on Affection...

I have previously addressed how particular I am about touch and affection. However, I have no aversion to giving or receiving hugs. We all need a hug sometimes, right? I confess that I am usually one of those "wimpy" huggers who lets go quickly even when giving a hug. Sometimes I get fidgety and am anxious to be the first to pull away when someone hugs me. It usually depends on my mood or comfort level at the moment. I also recognize some people are not "huggers". Considering my own issues with space and receiving affection, I totally get that!
So what brings this up again? Last night I was talking with a good friend. I was sharing some personal issues with her and she was so sweet and supportive. Before we parted, she hugged me. A REAL hug that lasted more than 10 seconds. While not one to give those type of hugs, I do appreciate getting them. Usually it's when I need it the most. Sometimes you need to let someone hold you tight.

Grandma Z

One week ago, my beloved Grandma Z passed away. As mom said, "she fought the good fight." Grandma celebrated her 85th birthday in April. She lived a long, full life.

Grandma was always such a good spiritual role model for me. She was such a good person, did for others, was non-judgemental. There are seven grandchildren and she made sure she treated each of us the same...it was so important to her to treat us equally. I aspire to be like her...wonderful, loving, kind.

It was difficult living so far away from Grandma and Grandpa for so many years. We would visit them in the summer and usually at Christmas time. My brother and I remember Grandma Z always taking us school shopping when we visited in the summer. Sometimes they would come visit us here in South Carolina. I always waited anxiously for their arrival when I knew they were on the way down to see us. When we would visit her, she would always pull out chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. She'd tell us to wait a few minutes to eat them so we didn't "chip a tooth." I will be thinking of grandma when I bake some cookies later today.

Proverbs 31:28 says "Her children shall rise and call her blessed." And we were all blessed to know her and have her in our lives. I love you so much grandma. I miss you. Thank you for being you.

How Things Have Changed Since 1974...

I was talking to mom last night. Commented that it didn't seem possible that I am turning 35 this year. Mom said things have really changed since I was born. While she was still in the hospital after I was born, only she and my dad could hold me. However, my dad had to put on a hospital gown first. My grandparents came all the way from Ohio to see their first grandchild and were not allowed to hold me. My mom's parents came and stayed longer. I recall seeing a picture of Mimi holding me when I was an infant.
I don't think much changed in four years...fast forward to 1978. I saw a picture of dad holding my newborn brother while he was donned in full hospital gear...gown, cap, and mask. I doubt I got any closer to my little brother than peering in the nursery window until he came home with mom.
Fast forward again to 2003 and 2005 when my nieces were born. I got to hold them in the hospital room. All I was required to do was wash my hands before I held them. There were a lot of visitors after each child was born. I think most, if not all, got to hold the girls while in the hospitals.
Sometimes, change is good.

I was not expecting that!

Today I was at the allergist's office, trying to qualify as a participant in a research study. One of the qualifications in my pre-screening appt was getting at least 80% on the Spirometry or lung function test. I just wasn't getting it last week when I tried. Even after all the meds I have been on this week, trying to improve my lung function, it just wasn't working for me. The way they were doing the test was also slightly different than the way I'm used to doing it. I was initially told that I did not qualify, they didn't want to put me through the whole day thing when I came back if I couldn't reach the 80%. I guess I was more disappointed than I thought because next thing I know, I am crying. The nurse asked a couple of times if I was ok. How okay can I be if I'm crying? We went downstairs and tried to use the other machine and did the test the way I'm used to and it worked...I got the score I needed and I can participate in the study. YEA!
WHAT? Where did those tears come from? I am not emotional, especially in public. Needless to say, I was not expecting that reaction. The nurse probably wasn't either but she was very nice. Why is it that I cry when I don't want to but I can't cry when I want or need to release those feelings. I had to really fight to regain my composure. Usually I can "suck up" those tears if I think I'm going to cry and don't want to but today there was no stopping them.
Lately I've been trying to stick with the feeling and let whatever happens, happen. But good grief, I didn't really want the tears today.